Dubai Learnings part 2

In response to the well-received Dubai Learnings Part 1, here’s the next edition>

It is illadvised to invite the chinese weapons salesmen to your friend’s houseparty

A tablespoon of Ghee is not worth eating for 100 Emirati Dirhams.

Sludgy drinks puddle + heels + free bar = Wrist support which makes you look like an IDIOT

If I live on the 26th floor, and work on the 40th floor, and there are 11 feet per story, my median average altitude at any given hour of the day in one month (or Maddiyan height) is 308 feet.

There is a speed bump for every head of the population. Dubai Ladies’  wardrobes do not lend themselves to sports bras. Therefore, 3+ years in Dubai = Saggy boobage due to bumpage.

Dubai is 12 towns on top of one anther like a layered cake, based on nationality, income, profession and religion. Everyone mixes with their tier, with differing opinions about how high or low it tier is. All expats are sociable and confident, soon get to know enough of their lot and then call it a ‘small world’.

Breast Punching is not universally hilarious.

Arabs LOVE Vimto. Not just a little bit.

Do not expect U-turn opportunities. If you need to go left, go straight for 2 miles and back. Then you can turn right. Stupid.

There are no Mosquitoes in Dubai. Or if there are, there are about 11. This is great.

There are no pigeons. This is also great.

750 quid to fly back for your sister’s hen for 4 days is entirely worth it, providing your mother doesn’t have a sulk for 2 of them


Youtube parties get a lot more competitive when there are 5 professional DJs in the room.

It is illadvised to put TV presenters in head locks (observed not perpetrated)

Living out of a suitcase gets irritating after 6 months

Serious pillow fights in hotel rooms with 8 multi-award-winning creatives at 5.30 am + 8 bottles of champagne = a world of pain at the desk 4 hours later.

Dubai is not going to get finished. But it’s good enough.

Someone willing to kiss you after an extreme allergic reaction and exorcist-style vomitousness may have questionable standards

Seeing the British riots through the eyes of Indians, Lebanese, Australians and French was profoundly humiliating and frustrating.

A bidet is not for puking in.

Ramadan – a chance to understand the culture you are in, and be more respectful to everyone and everything. And also go to lots of lovely houseparties and make some lovely friends.

It’s fun to see some of these friends on the telly.

Local film channels are brilliant and beautiful in their random selections. But whoever decides when to cut the films for the advert breaks is TERRIBLE AT HIS JOB.

Prawn Tempura is an acceptable breakfast

If the shop in your work knows you as Oranamin C Lady, this is probably not great.

Oronamin C in Dubai

DishDashes and Abayas – symbols of identity & pride, worn with class, not any form of extremism. Far from it.

Badass cars are not driven by Badasses.

International professional Stand-Up Comics can still be genuinely afraid of your mother.

Filipinos – the hardest working, most courteous, astute nationality I’ve come across in the USA, Dubai, Australia or anywhere – it confounds me that they work so damn hard around the world when such uncharacteristic corruption is in charge at home.

Having a glass of champagne passed to you by an acrobat hanging from the ceiling is very cool but also a bit weird.

Peanuts and Japanese Rice Crackers does not a well balanced diet make.

Rain is a lovely thing.